Forgive & Forget

I don't know what's going on with my life anymore. After getting this insurance I'm going to make appt to get checked out for my teeth and also for depression. It's fucking weird talking about it, but I'm writing this to remind myself in a year where i am. Or maybe even in 6 months.

09/18/09

Plans

I am currently 22 in New Jersey time. I'm still 21 here.

Notes to self

1. Be more positive

2. Continue to try and be more healthy

3. Stop giving yourself a hard time with photography. It's only been a year and something with the camera.

4. Enjoy life

5. Don't taking things for granted

Dreams From Cannibal Island

Things are going good in some ways and things are pretty shitty in some other ways. I spent a good amount at the doctor this month, but things are fine.

I have been having a lot of fun taking pictures lately. My 2 years with my camera are coming up and i'm very very excited. As corny as it sounds this is the only hobby I have and it keeps me in good shape. 

www.flickr.com/minoritythreat

California this weekend

New Jersey on the 11th

The Way His Collar Falls

This is some sick dream I'm having. Maybe some sick joke my friends are playing on me. Am I really in Arizona? I know i'm going to wake up in Mij's room tomorrow and struggle to find a goodfellow's shirt. This is so unreal. It finally hit me last night while I was driving home in that lonely desert.

"Leif and I are on the train to New York in car 1399. 
There's a guy with a quarter in his ear 
and I've seen Leif only once in the past two months. 
His hair is sticking up a little in the front. He's losing it just a bit. When I get home tonight I'll miss him in Hampshire. 
I'll miss his glasses and the way he writes in purple pen, 
the way his collar falls to the left. 
Have you seen his ankles lately? 
I know he's next to me. 
I feel his sweater here, 
but when I'm sleeping it's only green sheets and the hair down my legs. 
I think I'll write you, Leif, when I'm near Tuesday, 
sometime before you go and I'm back on the train."

The Motivational Song

In better news :

Next month I will be taking photos of Marilyn Manson/Slayer. You don't have an idea of how much this means to me haha. I have worked very hard.

My dad also comes home tomorrow!!!

Horror

So, it's kind of weird to write this because it's been such a long time coming to where I am now. A while ago I developed something that made me feel extremely weak and I couldn't tell you what It was. It's this thing that made me feel extremely unhappy, and I know I should have done something with it. I went on vacation, I went to school, and I did all these things even when I was feeling like crap. When you're used to some pain you kinda forget about it. You feel as it will eventually go away. Part of it was also this lazyness inside of me that I have.

 About a week ago I finally went to a doctor and I got back my results back on Monday. I was told that my glucose is high and this is most likely due to diabetes. My dad has it and it also runs in his side of the family. To some of you it might seem that i'm making a big deal out of it, but I'm extremely happy. I have big hopes about starting to feel better. I want to be able to do things and not feel like there's something wrong with me. I want to be able to play with my dogs for more than hour. I also want to become healthier. 

I figured I would post this because it's an extremely important point in my life. After tomorrow when I go do my test, i hope that i come home with a new view. I'm not scared the most about the test, but more about what could possibly be wrong, and if they can fix it.

I feel like shit. I'm just going to keep to myself for a bit.

I want to move back home. I belong there.